three 3 Myths About Being
Dysfunctionally Independent
Despite what you may have been taught, independence is the root of all evil. Alright, alright, a bit dramatic but give me a chance to explain! Most of us have been taught that independence is synonymous with success. Most of us equate independence with resourcefulness, freedom, strength, fearlessness, power…
…but it’s none of the above, it’s actually a gaping weakness!
Funny thing is, independence is really just our ego wrapped up in a pretty package that’s meant to fool us into a false sense of righteousness.
I should know, I’ve been dysfunctionally independent (in virtually every aspect of my life) for most of my three decades sucking air on this earth.
It wasn’t until I read “Shift Happens: How To Live an Inspired life….Starting Right Now” by Robert Holden (which I highly suggest you read too) that I realized how dysfunctional my fierce independence was and how detrimental it would continue to be if I didn’t end the vicious cycle.
Now there’s no quick fix or magic potion that’ll cure the dysfunctional independent but knowing the signs and what to be careful of will help steer you in the right direction.
Here are the top 3 myths about independence that every solopreneur needs to know to reach their highest potential and avoid becoming or remaining dysfunctionally independent:
myth no. 1
Independence is Fearlessness
Most solopreneurs at one time or another have fallen into the trap (guilty as charged!) of taking on everything themselves. Too often we believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness, which is sadly a rampant unsubstantiated rumor and nothing more.
As solopreneurs our need to hoard duties (do EVERYTHING ourselves) within our business is usually driven by ego and fear.
Ego in the way that we believe we are the only one qualified enough to do the necessary duties involved in our lives and businesses. It’s THIS backward thinking that leads so many solopreneurs to burn out and O.D on overwhelm.
Let me ask you this? With 6,000,000,000 people on this earth and the technology we have to connect with people all over the world, can you really sit there with a straight face and tell me you and only you are qualified to do the duties needed in your business?
With 6,000,000,000 on this earth do you really believe there’s no one out there that can help you? That you can trust? That you can count on?
Tough love time – GET REAL! Now for the second part, Fear.
Fear plays a huge role in dysfunctional independence in the way that we believe asking for help is failure. That not being able to do something (whether because of a shortage of time, cash, resource, skill, etc) lessens are success or our ability to ever be successful. That DOES sound scary, huh?
The truth is…
Independence goes against our human instinct to be part of something. Think about it! Even Batman had Robin. Even Mario had Luigi. Thelma had Louise. Superman had Lois. And on and on this list can go.
Instead of running yourself ragged in an empty attempt to keep control and avoid uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability, reach out and ask for help.
I promise you there are people out there with the talents, skill set and personality type you’re looking for, you just can’t see it because you’re not asking for help.
Don’t waste time pondering what you have to lose (feeding your ego and fears), a better question is what do you have to gain? Hint: creativity, sanity, energy, happiness, time.
myth no. 2
Independence is Freedom
One of the biggest misconceptions about independence is that it affords you the ultimate freedom. BULLSHIT! A more accurate depiction is…
Independence is lonely as hell! Remember, it’s inspired by ego and fear.
It’s not freeing to be held back by your self imposed limitations. It’s not freeing to believe you must compete with everyone. It’s not freeing to be bound by “BMS – By Myself Syndrome”.
Why do you think they say it’s “real lonely at the top”?!
See, a lot of us confuse freedom with safety. We set out to attain freedom but we end up chasing safety. This is a common struggle among entrepreneurs and has been for centuries.
Let me ask you this? Would you rather be safe and alone or free and loved? Would you rather be safe and unhappy or free and happy? Would rather be safe and unfulfilled or free and fulfilled?
The truth is…
Independence does not come from a place of fullness but from a crippling place of loneliness. Independence is a pitfall many of us run into because we naively believe we’ve got to constantly be showcasing our prowess, that it’s our duty and burden to always be proving our superiority.
Stop letting the limiting belief that independence is freedom misguide you anymore!
The sooner you realize how detrimental the illogical assumptions that freedom comes from independence are, the sooner you can begin to attain true freedom and wholeness in your life and business.
Only when we give up being dysfunctionally independent can we find the ultimate freedom we yearn for as solopreneurs and human beings.
myth no. 3
Being a Taker Gets You to The Top
A huge downfall of entrepreneurs is operating on the principle that giving is loss. That imparting anything to someone or something means losing out on something ourselves.
Gone are the days of “ask and you shall receive”. Well, you CAN ask but it does not entitle you to a specific response. Success is not about scratching your way to the top just as much as independence is not about taking what you need.
Sadly, as solopreneurs we’ve become complacent in our resolve to give and impart our gifts to others for fear that we will not get enough back to justify the means. Entitlement is a big part of it. With the introduction of faster modes of communication and ease in distributing our gifts to a greater number of people we’ve become fixated on the return of investment on both a figurative and literal level. Many solopreneurs, consciously or not, feel they must take more than they give to end up at the top.
The truth is…
When we focus on the “price” our giving will net us we can ONLY gain or lose, but when we focus on goodwill and embrace productive giving (long-term giving and contributing to others void of any specific outcome) we will net the most valuable of gifts – the gift of happiness, wholeness and fulfillment.
Productive giving will actually boost your well being, across the board, by injecting purpose into your life and work and will ultimately revitalize you rather then deplete you.
Stop believing the fallacy that taking, rather than giving is how to attain success and start basking in the freedom and fulfillment that giving will impart in your business and life when you master successful giving.
taking the
NEXT steps
Dysfunctional independence keeps us from our highest level of success because on our own we only know what we know and can only see what we see. Being fiercely independent and recklessly single minded is going to stifle any and all opportunities to reach your dreams and attain the pinnacles of your goals.
Instead of flying your independence flag high, become part of something, allow yourself help, productively give in freeing ways, recognize the difference in safety and freedom and pledge to fearlessly pursue your conviction for freedom, power, success and strength without hiding behind dysfunctional independence.
Feed your soul, not your ego! Nom, Nom, Nom!
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